Perpetually Unfinished
Monday, February 07, 2005
 
And here I am again. Like always, a ridiculously long time since I last wrote, with a half-dozen conceived but unwritten blog posts in my head that have faded out of possibility again. To name just one, I wanted to write about going to dinner with more than a dozen Peace Project kids and sitting around the Co-op apartment afterwards for hours talking about their Peace Studies seminar... but that was weeks ago, and the time for that has passed, I suppose. The themes will resurface though, sooner or later, I'm sure-- about Peace Project and its past and present and future, about terrific people and not-quite-enough efforts to reach out and connect with them, about activism, about stimulating discussion, about socializing... they're always in my life somewhere.

I have so many tentative connections with people, these days, and I don't seem to be moving forward at all, but mostly barely treading water to keep in place. I keep telling myself I need to try harder to make these things work, but yet every day I put it off until tomorrow. It's hard. I get home, and I'm tired, and it's good to be around Alex, and I go through my little internet routines that fill up hours if I let them, and then suddenly, oops, it's bedtime. Weekends ought to be easier, and I come home on Friday thinking I'm going to IM or e-mail someone and talk about getting together, but Friday night becomes Saturday becomes Sunday and then suddenly I'm looking back at a weekend of missed opportunities and kicking myself. What I need is for people to actively reach out to me and draw me out of my shell, and I'd respond-- but in the reality I'm living in, that's just not going to happen. So I guess I've got to just keep on plugging along, and going to meetings and dinner discussions that may not be very relationship-building but at least are social, and hope that things work out okay in the long run.

I thought I'd be writing more tonight, but it's 1 already and I've got to be at work early tomorrow morning for what's going to be another hectic and stressful week, so I should probably just wait for another time. But before I go, the one-month(ish) update on my New Year's resolutions:
#1: mostly
#2: no
#3: yes
#4: no
#5: somewhat
#6: not really-- partially because Alex has been watching a lot of basketball. But I don't usually pay attention to that, so maybe it counts.
#7: doing better, but still room for improvement
#8: somewhat
#9: nope; see above
 
Comments:
Can I just remind you briefly what an incredibly skilled writer you are? Even when you're just writing about yourself.
 
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Nature attains perfection, but man never does. There is a perfect ant, a perfect bee, but man is perpetually unfinished. He is both an unfinished animal and an unfinished man. It is this incurable unfinishedness which sets man apart from other living things. For, in the attempt to finish himself, man becomes a creator. Moreover, the incurable unfinishedness keeps man perpetually immature, perpetually capable of learning and growing.
--Eric Hoffer





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