And here I am again. Like always, a ridiculously long time since I last wrote, with a half-dozen conceived but unwritten blog posts in my head that have faded out of possibility again. To name just one, I wanted to write about going to dinner with more than a dozen Peace Project kids and sitting around the Co-op apartment afterwards for hours talking about their Peace Studies seminar... but that was weeks ago, and the time for that has passed, I suppose. The themes will resurface though, sooner or later, I'm sure-- about Peace Project and its past and present and future, about terrific people and not-quite-enough efforts to reach out and connect with them, about activism, about stimulating discussion, about socializing... they're always in my life somewhere.

I have so many tentative connections with people, these days, and I don't seem to be moving forward at all, but mostly barely treading water to keep in place. I keep telling myself I need to try harder to make these things work, but yet every day I put it off until tomorrow. It's hard. I get home, and I'm tired, and it's good to be around Alex, and I go through my little internet routines that fill up hours if I let them, and then suddenly, oops, it's bedtime. Weekends ought to be easier, and I come home on Friday thinking I'm going to IM or e-mail someone and talk about getting together, but Friday night becomes Saturday becomes Sunday and then suddenly I'm looking back at a weekend of missed opportunities and kicking myself. What I need is for people to actively reach out to me and draw me out of my shell, and I'd respond-- but in the reality I'm living in, that's just not going to happen. So I guess I've got to just keep on plugging along, and going to meetings and dinner discussions that may not be very relationship-building but at least are social, and hope that things work out okay in the long run.

I thought I'd be writing more tonight, but it's 1 already and I've got to be at work early tomorrow morning for what's going to be another hectic and stressful week, so I should probably just wait for another time. But before I go, the one-month(ish) update on my New Year's resolutions:
#1: mostly
#2: no
#3: yes
#4: no
#5: somewhat
#6: not really-- partially because Alex has been watching a lot of basketball. But I don't usually pay attention to that, so maybe it counts.
#7: doing better, but still room for improvement
#8: somewhat
#9: nope; see above  ¶ 1:10 AM