I'm tired.

I feel like I've been tired, drained, for weeks, months, years. Maybe I have.

I've always had kind of fuzzy boundaries between physical tiredness and emotional exhaustion. A situation that can be almost entirely physical usually bleeds over into my emotional state, making me feel wrung out and unmotivated. I am pretty sure that I'm anemic, but even though I bought a whole bunch of high-dose iron pills, I remember to take them only very irregularly. And while I know that more exercise increases your energy, I rarely push myself to do anything more than the 5-minute walk to the el. So as a result, even when I get a good night's sleep, I'm often dragging during the day and exhausted by mid-evening. And there's certainly plenty of times when I'm dealing with actual sleep deprivation as well.

But that tiredness becomes an emotional issue, too, and it seems particularly bad this fall. I feel unmotivated. It's harder to push myself to do things that require effort, whether physical or mental. I put off chores and responsibilities night after night. I feel myself slipping into laziness and bad habits. I skip parties because by the time they really start hopping, I'd rather be in bed with my pajamas on, watching Cheers and All in the Family on TV. I end up spending the vast majority of my free time at home with Alex-- because I love spending time with him, but honestly, also because it's just the easiest thing to do. And my relationships with anyone and everyone else suffer.

I'm not sure what my point is, exactly. But it all blends together, until I can't tell what's sleep deprivation and what's stress and what's my iron-starved red blood cells and what's my aching heart. Yesterday I was up at 6am, on my feet in Wisconsin all day, back at 11pm, not asleep until after 3am. I took today off, slept until noon, and have spent most of the last twelve hours curled up in bed with my computer. I feel exhausted in every way possible. There's a meeting tomorrow night to plan a trip to the School of the Americas demonstration-- something I've really wanted to do for years-- and part of me feels like I just don't have the energy to pull off the meeting, let alone the whole weekend.

I just want to sleep for days and days and days...  ¶ 12:34 AM