I have been so moody, recently. My emotions are all over the place, dragging me behind them like a fallen rider tangled in the reins of a runaway horse. I feel that battered sometimes, too. But only when I'm being overdramatic. (Unfortunately, that's far more often than it should be.)

I wrote a whole moody entry on Wednesday night, a few hours after bursting into tears in the girls' bathroom at Norris, before thinking better of posting it. It made me feel better to write it, but it wasn't necessarily the best thing to put online. It was all about how I always end up comparing myself with Naureen and feeling lousy and incompetent, but it came off sounding a lot more like I had a problem with her-- which I don't-- instead of talking about how my issues obviously have a lot more to do with myself. Perhaps I'll edit it at some point and put it in my journal, but I was far too swept up in the feelings that night to write anything other than an un-nuanced outpouring of emotion.

Then, tonight, I belatedly brought Kyle his birthday cupcakes and chatted for a little while, and then I was going to do some SCFC petitioning at PARC. But as I walked up to the front door, I found myself feeling utterly miserable and couldn't imagine going door to door talking to people for hours. So I fled to the benches by Fisk overlooking South Beach for a little while, staring out at the lake, trying to get a handle on my emotions. I want so strongly, sometimes. I want to love and be loved. I want connections with people, deep powerful friendships. And for god's sake, I just want wanting to stop messing with my heart and mind so that I can function like a normal human being.

After a few minutes of sitting on the bench, feeling lonely, I sort of impulsively decided that if I wasn't going to get petitions signed that night, I wasn't going to go home and spend hours moping and overthinking, either. So I stopped by Sheppard and called up to Lexi's room, but she wasn't there. Then I gave Peter a call, and ended up spending several hours up in his room, reading a little but also talking quite a lot. It was a completely random thing to do, and it was really, really good for me. It was just very easy to feel perfectly comfortable hanging around and talking about all sorts of silly things with Peter. I left with a smile on my face and my thoughts and feelings settled down where they belong. Now if they'd only stay there...  ¶ 1:12 AM