I'm going to try to write in here more. Even if that means writing at a time like now, when my thoughts are all over the place and I can't hope to come up with a coherent entry.
Work has been interesting. It's been a struggle, as I have to work hard to get my feet under me and start feeling at home, but Friday was a better day than earlier in the week and I might just be getting the hang of it. One thing I didn't expect is that one of the biggest challenges has not been directly related to the work, but is in fact being organized. I've had to develop filing systems and methods of organizing intricate to-do lists to keep track of dozens of tasks (30+ in my ffrist week); I've learned that people are very concerned with what they call a "workplan," which means I need to compile all the different things I'm being asked to accomplish and then list what tasks must be done to get me there, with timelines and target dates for each piece. I need to find ways to keep track of the tremendous amount of information that's been given to me over the last two weeks, and I need to make the connections in my head and have each section mentally accessible at any given time. It's rough, especially considering that, well, I'm Britt!
I did get my first paycheck today, though. That was cool. It only covered my first week of work, and was more than I make in a quarter at work-study. (Granted, I've always been really bad at getting the hours to reach my work-study limits, but still.) That's kind of freaky. It seems like I ought to feel very rich, but it's pretty much going to take two months of paychecks to save for the down payment on a car, and then I'll be paying in the ballpark of $500 a month for car payments and insurance. Ugh. Still, I should be grateful. I'd love to treat anyone to a drink (or for folks under 21, umm, ice cream?) with my first paycheck, just ask-- really!
I went to Flattop on Friday night. I've been to Flattop maybe 6-8 times in my years at Northwestern, and every time, I get 2-3 bowls of food. And of those many bowls of Flattop stirfry, over the course of many years, they've all been pretty much the same thing. Literally. And then last night, for some reason, I decided to go ahead and get it as a soup. And it was amazingly delicious-- the best meal I've ever had there. Why didn't I ever do that before? I knew that getting it as a soup was an option. If I had ever really thought about it, I know I would have concluded that it was worth a try. But I never did really think about it. I got up every time and made myself a bowl of what I always make, because I knew that I liked how it tasted, because that's what I always got at Flattop. I had all these options to create an infinite variety of new meals for myself, which is what some people like best about Flattop, and I always chose the same thing. Until yesterday. Somehow that strikes me as deeply symbolic of something. Why did I never even consider doing something a little different before?
I've made a little progress on what I so boldly asserted in my last entry. I'm kind of ridiculous, really, though. As much as I talked about boldly stepping forward and seizing control, I was still also kind of hoping to use the internet as a buffer, a crutch, a shortcut. To read the words of others and try to understand them without having to ask directly; to throw my own words out into space without having to commit to sharing them with anyone in particular, hoping they will be read and acted upon without me having to be accountable for telling someone "I'm shy and awkward and paranoid, just in case you were wondering how to interpret me." It's kind of pathetic, but I think it might be working a little. And that helps.
Oh, and do I have a link to
my old site on this page anywhere?
